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""I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that's what he told us in the letter."--Drew Carey "

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"I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and go to my sister's house and ask her for money."

Kevin Meaney

To alcohol! The cause of- and solution to- all of life's problems

Homer

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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

Steven Wright

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I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player

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I don't know what's wrong with my television set. I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station. I actually bought a congressman.

Bruce Baum

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There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.unknown

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

unknown

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