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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

Steven Wright

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Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign

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My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how to swim. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'

Paula Poundstone

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