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I have such poor vision I can date anybody.

Garry Shandling

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Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana...The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.

Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22.

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Every man has his tale of woe. Unfortunately in life there is more woe than tail

Rodney Dangerfield