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""I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.' "--Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player "

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"My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how to swim. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"

Paula Poundstone

Kids, kids. As far as Daddy's concerned, you're both potential murderers.

Homer

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Divine souls suffer violent opposition from mediocre minds.

Albert Einstein

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I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.

Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece

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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

Steven Wright

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There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.unknown

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

unknown

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