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""I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.' "--Richard Jeni "

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"My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how to swim. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"

Paula Poundstone

Mr.Simpson--A Twizzler is not a sprinkle...A Mounds is not a sprinkle...A Jolly Rancher is NOT a sprinkle!!!!

Apu

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My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there.

Ron Richards

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Divine souls suffer violent opposition from mediocre minds.

Albert Einstein

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Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second.

Steven Wright

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There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.unknown

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

unknown

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