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USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

David Letterman

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I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'

Richard Jeni

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I have such poor vision I can date anybody.

Garry Shandling