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My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how to swim. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'

Paula Poundstone

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USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

David Letterman

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My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there.

Ron Richards